Falling tears
by Electrical storm 1996
Summary: His eyes capture hers, his words thrill her even when they harm her- he is something she doesn't understand nor does she feel she wants to... but maybe one person can fill that empty space where his heart should be- could it ever be her?
1. Chapter 1

**Ah yes, it is another one shot about Will and Tessa- but I couldn't keep it out my head! I had to at least write it down and if I am going to write it down I may as well share it with any one who wishes to read it :) – sorry to say this, it's the same idea as my other one basically but might not end up as a one shot! **

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Clockwork angel- only love it x**

"There was something I meant to say to you," The voice drew Tessa from the mysterious and misty moors that surrounded Wuthering Heights and back into the warm library- drew her back for her to be greeted by the sight of Will sitting on the carpet before her chair, gazing softly into the crackling fire.

Tessa thought for a moment, wondering if she was supposed to reply to them, but after a few seconds of silence she decided if he didn't wish for her to talk to him he shouldn't have spoken to her. "Oh really Will? Do you? Well, if you wanted to be chatting partners with me you should have thought of it before you decided to unnecessarily hurt me like you did," Tessa tried not to let her voice raise to much or to let the anger inside her flow out- her aunt Harriett had told her anger in a woman was _never_ attractive, not that she wished to attract Will in any way.

He didn't move an inch from where he sat; even his breathing was virtually silent against the roaring fire. "I know. That wasn't what I wanted to say to you," despite all the cruel things he had said to her in the past, Tessa wanted to do nothing more then take the sadness and guilt from his voice, take the pain that was clearly eating away at him away.

"I wanted to tell you something different. I wanted to tell you…" he paused- the words he wanted to tell her would not form on his lips, would not surface above his throat. "To tell you that…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said to you, I'm sorry for how I made you feel," His voice was soft, vulnerable. Love for him swelled in Tessa's heart no matter how much she tried to repress it- love was the most dangerous thing of all.

"I don't really want you to do that," Tessa managed to mumble, despite the fact she was sure her cheeks were flaming and she was quite sure he had noticed too. He turned then to look at her, his midnight blue eyes bore right into her- for the first time Tessa felt like she was seeing _him_, the real William Herondale.

"And why is that Tess?" The way he called her Tess sent shivers down her spine, her eyes seemed glued to his as if they and they alone could save her from the nightmare happening in her own head. The nightmares in her life. An unreadable expression lay across his face, somehow making him seem younger, and even more vulnerable.

"B-b-because… because I… I… feel in ways which… ways which I wish you not to be sorry for," Tessa felt her cheeks redden further as she stuttered through her words, embarrassed by each and every one of them. Will however had different thoughts about them; his hand reached up slowly and linked itself firmly in hers.

"Tessa, I think it is best we don't talk about this…" Will's voice was distant but bluntly displayed his lack of any kind of emotion towards her- Tessa immediately buried her head deep into Wuthering Heights, where at least Heathcliff loved Cathy though he did a poor job of showing her that. Embarrassment flooded her, how could she ever expect him to feel like she did, he'd told her clearly she couldn't expect him to commit anything more then a little unknown thing on the side. As he had said, there is no future for a shadowhunter who dallies with Warlocks. None at all- it had all been said clearly.

"Of course," She mumbled, positive her face would light on fire if it got any hotter, she was pretty sure him looking at her with such inquisitive eyes wasn't helping- in her opinion the least he could to do would be to leave her to wallow in despair and self hatred alone.

"Tessa, it isn't what your thinking it is," Will almost whispered, his words thick and heavy as he looked at her through his dark eyelashes. Her body so close to him alone drove him insane, but her blushing face with strands of chocolate hair winding down her cheeks frankly _hurt_ him.

"You have no idea what I could possibly dream to think it is," Tessa replied, just as she had in front of De Quincey- her wild dreams again. There was no mistaking that Tessa Grey was brave, far braver then she appeared to be. There was no doubting Will Herondale was virtually fearless- but he was somewhat. He feared her- feared loving and losing her. Life without talking to the beautiful girl in front of him was hell, but he could manage that. Life without her? That he knew he couldn't manage and god did her fear it. Tessa was brave- but she could be scared too. She was scared when De Quincey had started chocking Will; she was scared when he told her she could never have children and she was scared whenever she thought about just how much her hear ached for him.

"I don't hate you, or dislike you… or think little of you-" Will didn't have a chance to finish his sentence before Tessa interrupted him, her voice wavering with sadness.

"Yes you do, because I'm a downworlder, whether that be a Warlock or not," He could see the tears building up behind in the rims of her eyes, water glistening in the light of the fire. She muttered something he couldn't hear and blinked harshly, trying to banish the already falling tears.

"No, no I don't!" Never before had he felt so adamantly about something quiet like this, but this time it was different- he couldn't watch himself hurt her again, not again. "I think nothing like that; in fact I think entirely the opposite about you Tess!" Her eyes flew up from the book he knew she hadn't read since he had first spoken to her in the library, her eyes almost narrowing even as the tears dripped down and splashed gently onto the book's pages.

"Then say it, I will never believe you!" Tessa shook her head, curls of hair falling from the messy bun as she did so, her grey eyes leaking yet more tears. She couldn't believe a word he said for she knew in but a few moments he would take them all back and act as if he had never spoken them- leaving her alone and hurt once more.

"Say it? You really want me to? Fine. I love you! I love you Theresa Grey, I love you!" Will felt all the emotions he had never before been able to show flow out of him, flow right into her as her eyes stared right back into his. He reached up and took her hand again, leaned forward and kissed it softly before rising to his feet.

"Goodnight Tess," He murmured softly before he left, leaving Tessa sitting shocked and alone in the grand library. The book on her lap held no more interest, but the idea of leaving the chair which felt so much like a barrier from the outside world did not comfort her either. Instead, she watched the fire burn and gently let sleep close her red rimmed eyes.

**Ok, so I'm not going to leave it as a one shot, that seems to cruel. However I would like to say now, I hope if you read the other one this doesn't bore you- in fact I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'll try and update soon, please review xxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heya, this is a day before I was going to write, but since I was writing my other fics I decided I may as well write this one, plus I've been checking the infernal devices fan fiction page 3 times a day I'm that sad! Anyways, it's another chapter!**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own infernal devices or clockwork angel- that is Cassandra Clare. **

Everyone sat together around the table, Charlotte and Henry seemed deep in conversation which made Tessa smile, whilst Jem, Jessamine, Will and herself sat in silence eating the stew which Sophie had pulled together- without Agatha it fell to Sophie yet Tessa and Charlotte were all to happy to help when Sophie needed it.

"Tessa, we just _have_ to go out and get you some new dresses," Jessamine looked over the table, her spoon picking up the stew only to drop it back in the bowl again. Tessa however had never had a problem with food so long as there was food on the table- being poor did that to you.

"Again? But it wasn't too long ago we went before," Tessa didn't mean to make her voice sound like she was pleading not to go but then again, it was shopping with Jessamine. It seemed hell itself couldn't conjure something quite as bad as an hour with Jessamine in a London Tailors. Will chuckled but quickly disguised it with a cough as Jessamine glowered over the table, with a look that could quite frankly kill.

"It was ages ago! Besides, you are already growing out of those ones- you need something to enhance what little beauty you were provided with!" Jessamine would have continued if Charlotte hadn't sent a glare her way, an easy solution to silencing her. Tessa sighed and looked down at the dress she was currently wearing; Jessamine had certainly been right about it being ill fitting.

"I suppose," Tessa agreed reluctantly, finishing the last of her stew, her spoon tapping the rim of the bowl as she placed it down. Jessamine stared at her bowl as if it had eaten itself and rolled her eyes slightly, only enough for Tessa to see. With a guilty look, Tessa rose from her chair and carried the bowl out, after all Sophie couldn't do everything.

"Was it something I said?" Jessamine asked sweetly as the doors thudded closed behind her, the room thick with silence until Jem broke it.

"Probably not, she has seemed a little sad recently, though from what has happened who can ever blame her?" Will glanced at the solid oak doors and seemed to be fighting an internal battle in his head as he glanced from the bowl to the doors several times. Eventually he stood up and went out the doors the same way Tessa had done, leaving the others to stare for a few moments- Jem especially as he put facts and figures together.

Meanwhile, in the library, in the same place next to the roaring fire Tessa sat. Her knees were folded underneath her and she was currently lost in her own world as the library doors clicked slightly- showing someone had entered.

"I thought you might be here," Will's voice was quiet and somewhat soft, causing Tessa's head to snap up from the book she had been immersed in and give her full attention to the young man before her. Giving only a brief nod she returned back to her book, hoping if she ignored him he might just leave. Not a chance.

"I… well, what I said yesterday-" Tessa didn't even let him finish before she snapped across him.

"Yes, I know. It never happened. I am used to it now, used to you kissing me one moment and then telling me I mean nothing more then a common prostitute to you the next," Tessa blinked harshly, she knew she would never cry in front of him again, she was stronger then that.

"No… I do wish you would ever let me finish. No, I came to say it was all true, and it always will be, even when I act like it never could be," Tessa stared up at him but didn't move an inch.

"You don't believe me do you?" Will asked gently, smiling to himself though Tessa couldn't guess why. No, she couldn't believe it- good things happened in fairy tales and no where else.

"I find it hard to believe anyone, after what has happened I find it hard to trust myself… trust this monster inside myself… the only person I could trust betrayed me- something I never would have believed," Tessa looked back down at the book to avoid the tears once more, no matter what she did he always seemed to bring the best and worst emotions out of her.

"You are not a monster Tess! Believe that! If you won't believe anything else then at least believe and trust that. I know you aren't a monster, you are a beautiful and brave woman who I can't help but fall in love with, and though sometimes I hate that fact more then anything else, it is also the best thing that has ever happened to me," Will wasn't comfortable spilling his soul out for her to see, the idea of telling his heart's tale was a painful one- but she would always be worth it.

"I-I have fallen in love with you also, though I also know I shouldn't have," Tessa blushed again, but couldn't help the smile that spread over her face when she saw the sparkle in Will's eyes ignite when she said she loved him too.

"What are the two of us ever to do?" Will asked, amusement spreading over his features as he leaned across her lap and cupped her face gently. Neither did anything but gaze into each other's eyes until their lips softly met. It started gently, Will caressing her cheek as her arms wrapped themselves around his neck. Slowly it picked up, becoming more and more passionate until they both had to pull apart to allow oxygen into their lungs.

"I believe you," Tessa whispered gently, the light of the fire casting a magical glow on everything as the two sat alone together.

**So yeah, **

**Another chapter! Lemme know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey!**

**I'm writing a lot of stories at the moment but this one is the one I enjoy writing the most by far. I've read the mortal instruments now, they're not as good I personally think but I do love Luke and Jocelyn. Anyways, thanks so much for the lovely reviews, they really do mean a lot to me. **

**The music inspiration for this chapter was your song by Elton John. **

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Infernal devices or Clockwork Angel, that's Cassandra Clare. **

"Will," Jem stood in the doorway, casting shadows as his body leant against the door frame. Will's head snapped up from the book he had been attempting to read- the book he had attempted to use to get a beautiful girl out of his head.

"Yes? Is everything ok?" Will put the book to one side and gestured for his friend to enter, stretching lightly as he did so. Jem however stayed exactly where he was causing Will's face to splay the confusion which was buzzing around his mind, it wasn't often Jem was upset with him and when he was it was generally over something obvious- yet Will had no idea why is best friend remained stationary.

"Will…" Jem trailed off quietly, his mouth opened and closed as if he were deciding the best way to say what he wanted to, "Don't hurt her," he finished softly, turning his head to look at the book that sat on the bed, his eyes deliberately avoiding Will's.

Will was just about to reply he'd never hurt her before he stopped himself. He _had_ hurt her, more then a few times. Much more then she deserved to be hurt, especially by him. His harsh words always seemed to cut deeply- nothing could take away the words he had said to her over the past, she might pretend that they didn't matter anymore but could she really forget them?

"Just don't hurt her Will," before he could reply, Jem was gone and light filtered back in through the empty door space. The book lay beside him, the spine creased and the pages folded over in random places, in all Tessa's favourite places. Will mulled over Jem's words in his head, could it be Jem had the same feelings for Tessa he did?

A soft knock on the door broke the heavy train of thought, Will once more found his head snapping up to the door but this time to see Tessa standing there. He couldn't help the smile that spread over his face, the way he leaped off the bed to embrace her in his arms. Her body was warm against his, her breath tickling his throat as his arms wrapped securely around her.

"What bring you here at this time?" Will asked softly into her hair, her body melting into his while her arms snaked around his neck and her fingers played with the small curls at the back causing him to gasp quietly. He felt rather then saw her smile as she placed a small butterfly kiss on his cheek. Of all the things he had expected from Tessa Grey, confidence like this was not one.

"I wanted to ask you something," she paused to look up into his midnight blue eyes, her slate grey ones reminded him of the clouds over London just before it snows- the magic sort of clouds. His reminded her of the sky at midnight when the sky was so clear you could see thousands of stars and the gleaming white of the moon.

"Yes?"

"You love me?" It wasn't so much of statement, more of a fact.

"Yes."

"Well, you want to be with me… right?"

"Forever."

"Then how can you tell anyone what I am? I'm a warlock Will! You can't be seen with me, what would people like Gabriel think? How seriously would the other shadow hunters regard you while you were with me? What about when you grow bored of me, then what Will?" Tessa knew she was become hysterical, perhaps even ridiculous but it didn't matter for what she said did hold a scrap of truth, what would they think? How would he be regarded? He knew the answer which made the whole thing that bit worse. He hesitated but it was a second too late as she detangled herself from him and he caught the tears welling up in her eyes but stood frozen. She ran out, pulling the skirts of her dress up as she did so to stop herself tripping over.

"Tess!" He called but she didn't stop, not even to register he had spoken to her at all. "Tess, to hell with them- all of them! I love you Tess, please!" She turned to him, tears running down her face while she noticed he too was crying.

"I can't take that all away from you,"

**I'm sorry, I would have written more if not being completely shattered and I figured I need at least one cliffy in this story xxxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Heya, **

**Well the last chapter wasn't actually very good at all, I'm not proud of it. Will was far too OOC and actually I have to say Tessa and Jem were out as well- so here is a bit to make it up to you all- I am very sorry. **

**Disclaimer****: Clock work angel is most definitely not mine.**

"Tessa? Tess, are you there?" Will had searched the institute over looking for her, no one had seen her and she hadn't appeared in any of her usual places. The library had been utterly empty and every room other then that Will had searched had come up with nothing. Fear passed through him at the thought she could have left the institute entirely- she had no idea of all the dangers of London, all the crooks and criminals who hid in the small alleys you would never place to be dangerous. Anything could happen to a young and beautiful New Yorker in the streets of London.

With a final glance at the library doors, Will rushed down the halls and grabbed his coat on the way out. It was cold out; the brisk wind sending bitter shivers across the street, Tessa had left in only her yellow gown. Will could not seem to keep the thought that she was probably freezing to death out of his anxious mind. He stepped out onto the chilly streets and took a quick glance around, London was never resting but there were only a few people scattered around the streets during the chilly afternoon. He had no idea where to start looking, where would she go to?

A small market was taking place on the street a few rows down and the shouts of sellers trying to convince people to buy their 'goods' deafened the surrounding area. Will glanced casually around him at everyone he passed; trying not to let the nerves and the sick feeling rising in his throat show- after all, if you look weak it's the main signal for someone to attack. He passed several stalls but saw no one he recognized amongst the bright colours, a huge contrast to the thick smoky grey sky above. He kept walking until he came out of the market and onto a quiet road leading down to black friar's bridge. Will kept walking slowly towards the steel bridge as a feeling of defeat washed over him. She had run off, into the dark depths of London and it was his entire fault. He'd caused something to go wrong yet again.

A small figure lay huddled on the other side of the bridge and Will's pace quickened substantially as he came closer to it, hope rose in his chest as he saw the edge of a butter yellow dress. There, sat gazing out at the river, Tessa lay curled- her arms wrapped around her knees and her eyes surveying the muddy river.

"Tessa, where on earth have you been?" It was a stupid question, Will realized just after he had said it. She'd been here of course, why did he need to ask that? She seemed to do this to him often, confuse everything in a blur of emotions, confuse him to the point where only blunt sentences could be formed in his mind. Emotions were much better left alone padlocked in a far away box, however Tessa seemed to have a magical ability which allowed her to go to that box and drag everything to the surface.

"I'm sorry," Her voice was fragile and vulnerable as she continued to gaze out across the water. Will stood, quite unsure of what to do next; slowly he lowered himself till he was sat next to her.

"Why here?" It was genuine curiosity in his voice, it wasn't that he didn't find it somewhat beautiful himself, but most people only saw the grey steel bridge and the mundane colour of the river. London itself was far more beautiful then anyone gave it credit for, the smoke tunnelling into the midnight sky and the long cobbled streets that stretched endlessly, full of people bustling around all with their own agenda.

"Jem brought me here; before we were attacked on this very bridge he said it was his favourite place in London. I don't think it's mine, but I just needed to be somewhere… alone," Tessa spoke thoughtfully, as if only just thinking through her reasons for coming at all, as if she hadn't really planned it and was only just discovering her motive.

Will however couldn't help the bubble of anger rising, "And you had to run off out the institute, all by yourself, to do that? You didn't tell anyone where you were going; no one knew what the hell had happened to you! London isn't some amazing fairytale Tessa; it's dangerous out here," Throughout his whole speech Tessa nodded gently but she didn't turn to him once, her eyesight remained fixed on the running water.

"I know," She said it softly, so gently that Will could feel his anger melting away before him, could feel it dripping down as she turned and looked at him with her glittering grey eyes. Every word he had wanted to say, every tiny bitter word, faded from his mouth before he could say them.

"Don't do it again," It wasn't what he'd wanted to say- nothing like it. He had wanted to tell her to get back immediately, that she was foolish, naïve and would drag everyone at the institute down with their worry for her, but he couldn't. It was his worry that scared him- he cared too much about what happened to her. Harsh words were William Herondale's forte but at that moment, he couldn't form the words. He didn't _want_ to form the words- not subconsciously.

They sat there together; neither saying a word and slowly the sun began to set. It cast a brilliant orange glow across the working city, highlighting beauty you would never see otherwise. Tessa leaned lightly, her breathing slow and soft and her hair tickled his chin as she rested her cheek onto the curve of his shoulder. Just her being so close to him caused emotions to jump he never thought he would feel for anyone.

"I'm sorry for scaring you," Tessa whispered so only he could hear, her eyes watching ever tiny ripple in the river as it cascaded along.

"You didn't scare me…" he lied arrogantly, trying to banish the tremble in his voice. She didn't need to know how much he cared, loving was a weakness. Shadow hunters couldn't afford weaknesses. Tessa didn't reply but he noticed a small smile on her face regardless of his words, clearly his lies were growing thinner and thinner to her eyes. The idea of anyone knowing him so well was a fearful idea but he batted it away as fast as it had come. He had found her and she was safe, safe and unharmed. They were together on black friar bridge and London was turning out the sun and welcoming in the night as they sat alone together. Night was spreading her cloak over the scattered buildings yet together they sat until every star rose into the sky.

**Hey, **

**I hope all the characters were a little less OOC- sometimes its hard with Will because any emotion but hate seems out of character which is a little annoying :/**

**However, I hope I have made up for the terrible previous chapter, thank you to everyone who has reviewed xxxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey, **

**I am sorry it's been quite a while; I've been absolutely crammed with stuff, exams in 2 weeks and all that merry jazz. Anyways, I'll stop babbling and start writing to make up for it :)**

**Disclaimer****: Tis sad to say, but I do not own Clockwork angel ect, that's Cassandra Clare. **

"Maybe it's that you simply don't care anymore?" Will sat on Jem's bed, a frown creasing through his forehead as he listened to his only friend's wise words. Usually, it was easy to listen to what Jem had to say as it was generally logical and well… correct. However for once Will found himself losing faith in that logic. How could he not care about being with a Warlock? _If that is even what she is…_ that voice wouldn't leave him, that little annoying voice which snagged at the edges of his mind and tried to pull a thread free and cause him to tumble into insanity.

"I just don't know…" Will sighed deeply and for a moment he briefly considered if he simply told her whatever had happened between them was not real and had never really meant much. It wouldn't really have been hard to do, in usual circumstances anyway. Theresa Grey, however, was not a usual circumstance. No matter how much easier that would make things, Will knew he wouldn't be able to do it; she had been breaking his valuable walls for days- smashing them down. If he pushed her away it would break and crumble _him_.

Jem gave him a reassuring smile, looking rather healthy with some colour in his cheeks and a thickness to his silver eyes. Will tried to give himself a bad name and everyone was happy enough to go along and believe it, only a few knew what the real William Herondale was like and even fewer wanted to. It was easy to turn your back on such a hopeless black chasm of a soul but though he threw every good thing he had away, Will was not a bad person. Not really. Not when you looked deeper though many people just couldn't be bothered to climb the walls he put up.

It seemed, rather ironically, Tessa was the one to do that. The irony in it was that Jem himself had never felt love and never really considered it possible, after all how he could love someone knowing he could leave them at any moment? He knew that was the case with his friendship with Will, but that was different. Will could die in any battle as could Jem, ashes to ashes. It was ironic that she had caused two impossible, loveless and hopeless men to fall in love with her. Two men who were brothers in all but blood and friends through the thick times Will's behaviour and Jem's illness caused.

Will's thoughts trailed scarily along the exact same line. Though he wasn't entirely sure, he pretty much knew Jem loved Tessa in some way. Whether it be romantic, platonic or just in the way a brother would care for a younger sister he did not know but he hoped for the latter two. After all, Will was pretty sure his love for her was the former and when it came down to it he really couldn't lose Jem or Tessa.

Jem was his conscience. Jem was the one who kept him in a straight line when he was drunk out of his mind; Jem was the one who kept him steady when he felt as if he could topple of the balancing beam his life seemed to form. If he lost Jem, he would lose the only good part of him that was left he was sure.

Tessa. Tessa had, in the short amount of time he had known her, changed the very way he thought about life. She was beautiful beyond words and every time he saw her his heart's tempo sped up to a tango of which he was sure she would never release him from. She made him question himself, doubt his own thoughts and made him feel like blubbering like a child sometimes. She made emotions bubble to the surface and made him worry like he had never before. Tessa would be the death of him he was sure, when he had gone missing he was sure he had aged 50 years in the anxiety and worry he felt for her safety. Life without her… well it didn't exist.

At that exact moment, both men were brought out of their deep thoughts by the exact girl they had both been thinking off, knocking gently on the door. She blushed deeply when she entered and saw the two of them sitting there.

"Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt," Tessa murmured quietly, her eyes looking from one to other with a slight smile on her face.

"No, no it is no problem Tessa," Jem said quickly, a little too quickly, before gesturing for her to enter the room with the pair of them.

"Charlotte just sent me to tell you both dinner is ready," Tessa smiled once more at the pair of them before disappearing out of the room leaving the pair of them sitting in utter silence.

"Will," Jem's quiet voice caused Will's gaze to snap to his face, searching it for a clue as to what he was going to say. "She loves you… and you love her. I know this… what I mean to say is… well, treat her right. Please, for me. Treat her like the woman she is; love her like she deserves to be loved. I know you will… she will love you too," Every word Jem spoke hurt, Will could see it hurt him and was unsure of what he could say to his parabati, could he tell him he was wrong? He didn't love Tessa like that and that she did love Jem? He didn't know what kind of feelings she harboured for him but how could she not love Jem if she wanted to? He was charming, elegant, kind and the sort of gentleman any girl would dream of, one that belonged in one of Tessa's beloved novels which she cherished so dearly. Yet as he was fully aware of, a life without Tessa and the love he felt for her would be like a life without the sun… or any light at all. Pitch darkness would be all he could see, what would he possibly live for? How could he watch Jem love her and she love him when he loved her so much it hurt him?

"I-I…" for the first time in his life, Will had nothing to say. He chocked on the sadness rising in him and his bright blue eyes met Jem's liquid silver ones. A sheen of liquid covered Jem's eyes but he wiped them with the back of his hand roughly, trying to smile.

"Jem, I don't… I don't know what… I can't…" Will struggled to get even a sentence out but Jem let out a shaky laugh and batted his words away.

"Don't be sorry, you can't help it can you?" Jem smiled shakily again and rose to his feet, walking towards the door and holding it open for his best friend, his parabati and his brother.

"Nothing has changed Will, you are still my best friend and still my family to me," Jem spoke softly and Will nodded before doing something not even he expected himself to do, nonetheless Jem. He hugged him. It wasn't feminine or romantic; it was a hug of friendship and understanding. A bond of brothers.

A bond of brothers… brothers who loved the same woman, brothers who could both die any day… brothers who could trust in each other irrevocably and not much else.

**Hope you liked it, it was written quite late but I've checked over it and I'm happy with it so… go figure! Yeah, I do have an obsession with ellipses right now, it's getting to be an addiction, I need to wean myself off them... yeah anyway! **

**xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys, **

**I can't stop listening to the Wicked soundtrack, I thought since I haven't updated in a while (which I am really sorry for) I should now :)**

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own Clockwork Angel… **

"Tessa… how do you… feel about Jem?" Will tried to keep him voice casual and calm, he forced a trademark smirk onto the end of the sentence to convince himself more then Tessa, convincing his voice not to rise or break under the strain of emotions.

"Why do you ask that?" Tessa asked softly, her voice containing a contained amount of curiosity as to why he would enquire such a question. Her soft brown hair curling slightly out of its place as the library fire roared. Will gulped quietly, hoping she wouldn't notice, yet of course she did and she smiled gently.

"I was just wondering," Tessa saw through the lie once more and Will watched her stare straight threw it and that in turn threw him. Had his lying skills to her truly weakened so? His lies which he used to push her away though in all truthfulness all he could think about was pulling her right back into his arms and kiss her until he kissed away every insult he had thrown upon her. Kiss her soft cherry red lips, her beautiful eyes underneath her thick lashes which would flutter every time a blush crept up upon her cheeks. The same blush he loved and tried to make appear as often as he could, Tessa herself was beautiful, blush or not.

"Oh, well… Jem is…" Will stood up and found himself cutting Tessa off before she could continue. He pressed his lips against hers and tried to force down the bubbling and gurgling feeling of jealousy which surged in his chest towards his other half. Jem was his brother; he could let him love her- couldn't he? Even if he could- which he highly doubted- he couldn't leave without kissing her once more. He felt Tessa gasp as his lips moved in synchronization with his own, savouring every last moment he could before he let go of her forever. Forever seemed like such a long and endless pit of time as he slowly pulled away from her.

Tessa stared into his stormy blue eyes, breathing heavily as the world rushed back to her all too quickly. A feeling of dizziness overtook her and in a futile attempt to banish that dizziness she pulled Will back to her and kissed him again lovingly. He wasn't hesitant to respond to her and they held each other in that passionate embrace until they were both startled by the library door creaking open. Will drew away and glanced over quickly, to see a mildly amused looking Jem standing in the doorway. An amusement that only Jem knew was a façade. Will almost blushed, which was saying something for William Herondale.

"I thought I might find you both here," Jem's voice betrayed none of the pain he felt constricting his heart, none of the sadness which spilled over and nearly welled up in his sleek silver eyes. "Charlotte wanted me to let you know dinner was ready," Jem smiled at the pair of them, glancing longingly as Tessa blushed gently. How he wanted to be the one who caused that beautiful blush upon her delicate features. He pushed down the feelings rising inside him and took a deep breath, after all he couldn't fight this- even if he could, he knew he wouldn't have. Perhaps there were times when Will did not deserve Tessa's love but inside Will was not as poisoned as everyone believed. Besides, he himself did not deserve Tessa's love, only an angel could be deemed worthy of such love and an angel he was not.

"Jem?" Will called out to him but to no avail, he was gone as soon as he had come. Tessa gave an unreadable expression towards the door, her beautiful face distorted with a slight pain. Will felt the expression stab at his heart so deep he felt sure no knife could cut as badly as Tessa could. Tessa pulled further away from Will and another cut hit him, this time even deeper then the first. All the reasons he had pushed her away before, the reasons he had used such sharp and bitter words to hurt her became once more apparent- to stop her from hurting him like he knew she was capable of doing. Hurt him like he knew love was more then capable of doing.

"We should go to dinner…" Will whispered quietly, so deep he saw a shudder go through Tessa's body and she smiled slightly at him. He couldn't help but return no matter what his mind wished. Tessa seemed to do this to him- he wouldn't lie and say it did not scare him more then any demon could, _love_ scared him. Though if anyone asked, he would deny anything scared him but with Tessa gracefully waltzing in she had changed the very way he saw the world, she changed and occupied his thoughts and she _frightened _him, frightened the fearless William Herondale. He feared two things he never would have before… losing her… and her making him lose himself.

They stood up together, Tessa blushing as their hands briefly touched and a crackle, a spark, sprang from between them. It was nothing he had felt before, sure he had been with girls before- many- but never had he felt such a feeling overtake him, such a bright, brilliant and blinding feeling. A passionate feeling which threw everything out of proportion but didn't bother him as it did so.

They walked in silence to the dinner hall, a silence that was not an uncomfortable one. More of, one which they were both content to just be with the other they did not need words to fill in awkward moments and gaps which so many others needed- it seemed rather unnecessary. Tessa sucked in a breath and with confidence she wished she could always carry, Tessa caught Will's hand. With a small flicker, the emotions he often felt near Tessa came back in the biggest flood he had ever felt and Will could not help the smile that came to his face yet again.

They walked into the dining room; both forgetting their hands were still entwined and Jessamine picked up on it faster then an eagle would a rabbit.

"Found a new little hobby have you William?" Jessamine's voice took on a nasty, nasal quality and she smiled at Tessa like she was dirt on her shoe- maybe even worse. Tessa tried not to let the words affect her, after all she knew it was just all in Jessamine's nature to be as she was- not a tear shed could ever change someone's nature.

"Why yes, it seems he has. Jealous?" Tessa felt stupidly courageous and brave and as soon as the word's left her mouth she could not believe it had been her to utter them. Will beside her though just seemed amused and slightly impressed. Jem… Jem's expression was blank. Utterly blank.

**So, though it isn't as long as I would have liked- do let me know what you think! **

**xxxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well hey guys!**

**I haven't updated this in forever; I didn't think anyone was interested in it any longer. However I've had some recent responses and you guys are for some crazy are still into this story! So here you go, some more for you all!**

Jem sighed, a small amount of his breath steaming up the window pane which he sat so closely next to. The rain pounded the dirty London streets and flickers of water lashed against the thin glass. The image was fogged and cloudy but the scene couldn't be clearer to Jem's eyes. Will, his love for Tessa radiating from him despite his general anger and angst for just about everything- his whole demeanour had changed for her. _Her._ She'd ruined everything though Jem hated that thought itself, how could something so wonderful and beautiful have any negative connotations? There was no doubt that Jem loved her with every fibre in his body, but that would never be enough. Not when compared to Will, the man she loved, because he'd always have what Jem never would- her heart.

There they stood, soaked to the bone and Jem was sure he could see a shiver run down Tessa's body as the freezing cold English rain pelted down and yet she had no sadness in her eyes, only happiness. Will's coat was slung around her shoulders as if it meant nothing, but it meant everything. Just not to them it seemed. How could it mean so little to them when it was declaration of mutual feelings which went beyond the barrier of friendship, beyond what Jem had with her?

Bitter thoughts did Jem no good though, in fact he was sure they only pushed him deeper into despair and further away from himself, the gentleman he had always been. She was passionate for him, and he for her. Tessa had been the best thing to happen to Will and Jem knew he should be happy for his friend, ecstatic for him- and he honestly did try to be, but he just couldn't.

Why? That one question wouldn't leave his mind. Will was broken, beyond what everyone thought was reversible, the damage had been done and everyone knew it. Then Tessa arrived and shook everything upside down. Will smiled- not his smirks or sarcastic smiles, proper meaningful smiles- and he acted so different to how Jem had ever imagined he would, he opened up to someone that wasn't him and though it really shouldn't of, it hurt. Will had relied on no one but Jem for as long as Jem could remember and now? Well Jem had neither of them to himself any longer and it was beyond selfish he knew but what else was he expected to think? Though many didn't remember the fact and keep it to memory for long he was just as human as everyone around him- bar Tessa of course and the fact he was actually Shadow hunter.

He watched them walk in from the corner of his eye before he let out a deep sigh and began to rise from his seat. It didn't really matter what he thought at this point, it was beyond too late for what he had to say to Tessa now. He knew where he love lied and no matter what small things he had to say, they'd change nothing.

Jem found himself walking down the halls without really registering where it was he was going, it didn't entirely matter just as long as he could not see Tessa and Will and their boundless love which practically chocked him though they didn't even know it. Of course they didn't know, why would they even care to know? When everything is going perfectly for you, though you don't do it on purpose, it's all too easy to forget there are others around you not quite in the same euphoric bubble of joy.

He just kept walking, head down, listening to the steady beat of his footsteps echoing down the ancient halls. It was a rhythm unlike any other because it kept his solidarity company and stopped all the thoughts and feeling inside from consuming him entirely. That was, until he heard two more echoes running alongside his own, one female and one male. Maybe the idea of not seeing them was more of an optimistic dream than reality; for it seemed no matter how big the institute was (and it was indeed massive) they seemed to be right next to him every second of the day. Well, that was a slight exaggeration but it certainly felt that way.

"Jem, the weather is terrible is it not?" Tessa asked brightly, her brunette curls damp and her eyes sparkling. Jem nodded slightly, his smile nowhere near his eyes but at least it was an effort which was far more than what he felt like giving the couple. Not that he would think his thoughts towards were anything but joyous for them- oh of course.

"That it is Tessa," Jem tried his best to keep his voice civil and courteous, after all he had no reason to be mad at either of them. No one can help who they fall in love with, god he wouldn't be in the situation he was in if that were the case. No, he'd be loved by no one and in love perhaps but it would be nothing more then a fading thought as he crept closer to his expiry date as he preferred to refer to it as.

Jem kept walking though he could hear Tessa and Will calling to him, it made no difference really. Surely he was allowed just one day where he could be angry and upset at everything too was he not? Will had those days all the time before Tessa, why was it that Jem couldn't have one now that Tessa was there? It made perfect logical sense. Of course it did, that was exactly why nothing made any sense anymore. Nothing.

**Well, thank you so much to Liv and Ashley, I couldn't have written this without you guys helping me out, it's a bit short and a bit angsty I know, I apologize for this but there will be a bit more Will and Tessa in the next chapter! Thanks Liv and Ashley- you guys rock :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey!**

**So sorry about the wait, I currently have three stories on the run at the same time, the other two are glee, and I've had a hell of a lot on recently. However, I feel bad for not getting these updates out sooner and I will try my best to get it sorted. **

**This doesn't really feature Tessa and Will but it does have Jem and Sophie- huzzah!**

"Master Jem?" Sophie's tinkling voice filled the dimly lit room where Jem sat, his violin laid by his side abandoned from hours ago when he'd stopped playing and the sweet melody had left the institute. One candle flickered in the corner and shadows danced around the room from it. The window had been opened to allow a gust of shrill wind to slink in and out of the room at its leisure. Jem just sat unmoving as she walked in and shut the window, her gaze going to where Tessa and Will were laughing and talking, taking a walk in the dark London night.

"Master Jem, forgive me if I am intruding, but it does you no good to just sit here and watch them together," Sophie knew she was over stepping the line from the start, but the anger which appeared on Jem's face, such a rare sight to see as it was, made her realize just how far she'd over done it. Of course she'd been thinking it for far too long, she'd thought of Jem far too much for just the maid if she was entirely honest. Oh she tried not to, every second of the day she tried to push him from her mind and yet his image and sweet gestures and words stuck with her like they were clinging to drive her mad. Pushing and pushing her towards the edge of the abyss that was her feelings for the shy gentleman before her- and now he was mad at her. Rightly so, but still.

"How dare you?" It wasn't a question with is raised voice, though Sophie felt it rising within her to answer him and tell him exactly why she dared. Then again, another part of her wanted to simply beg for forgiveness, terrified of a situation like her previous. Automatically, as if by sheer reaction alone she raised her arms above her face as if to protect herself from the blows which did not follow. Instead she was met with Jem's shocked face when she lowered her arms, ashamed and embarrassed that she had reacted as such. Jem however just had a face of self loathing.

"Sophie, I'm so s-" Jem however did not get a chance to finish his sentence as she cut across him- another thing she had to add to list of apologies but she could not let him finish that thought.

"No master Jem, It was my fault. I should not have overstepped like that and I apologize," Sophie moved to leave but found Jem had broken the trance which had befallen him before and risen from his chair and was blocking her exit, his hand holding her arm gently to prevent her from leaving immediately though she knew she could have shaken him off if she so wished. That was the thing though, as much as she knew she should have walked at that moment, she really didn't want to.

"Please Sophie, I'm sincerely apologetic. I am, please don't leave… I don't think I can be alone right now," Jem spoke so softly with so much guilt that Sophie couldn't bear to leave, despite how much she knew she should. Instead she found herself reaching for the other chair and sitting herself in it, facing his vacated one, which he then took. He looked at her, not like he ever had before but as if he were really studying her and seeing into her soul and heart. The problem was it already belong to him which was most certainly unbeknown to him and she hoped to firmly keep it as such.

"I won't go," She found herself whispering before she'd even registered in her mind that she would say such a thing. A flicker of a smile appeared upon Jem's face but disappeared almost instantly, as if it had never been causing Sophie to wonder whether she'd simply imagined it. Could it have simply been a trick of the light or was it more that she simply wished for it so much that her mind willed it to be seen by her worn and tired eyes.

"Sophie?" Jem looked up from where his eyes had flown to his carpet, his eyes of fine silver purely fixed upon her own brown ones as he spoke to her. His tone was quiet, so quiet she had had to strain to hear him, and yet as warm and glowing as hunny slipping down freshly warmed bread. It hurt to hear such a wonderful voice broken and rotting with pain.

"Yes, master Jem?"

"Jem, please Sophie, we've known each other long enough for you to just call me by my name."

"Yes, James?"

"Sophie?"

"Jem?"

"Thank you."

"I am sorry, was I too bold?" This made Jem chuckle as Sophie blushed, her mind whirring as to why he could possibly laugh at her question. Sophie knew that she was often too upfront and she often spoke out of her turn, it was just lucky she was with Charlotte and her family for they never seemed to scold her unless she was far out of her depth. In fact, they encouraged her to speak her mind and be a part of the family which she could not have been happier about- though the idea of Will as her brother worried her. Come to think of it, Jem as her brother would not do her well either.

"No, you were not Sophie. To be honest with you, you were not to start with either. I… well I need to take solid advice like that, it is true. She will never be with me; if I'm perfectly honest I would not wish her to be either. Not with my… condition. No, I can never be loved I-"

Jem did not get a chance to finish that thought before Sophie had leaped up, and in a world which was not her own and in a mind set which she did not belong to, she leaned over and kissed him firmly on the lips. It lasted all but a second, but oh a second of bliss it was to her, the feeling of his lips against hers and the light pressure of them against the soft skin. A world of colours, so bright they were almost blinding filled her mind and washed over her, dragging her into a state of ecstasy. That was until she pulled back, and saw his face.

**:)**

**Love you all and all your reviews!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ah!**

**Well, I felt really mean about leaving the last chapter where it was, so I thought it would be some kind of redemption for me to write this one today and post it as soon as possible. So here we go!**

**This is in Jem's point of view as it would; though it's more in third person… you'll see what I mean!**

Jem stood frozen, his mind spinning and world twirling around him as Sophie pulled her sweet lips from his. Never had he thought Sophie could have harboured such feeling for him… or did she? Was it a kiss of sympathy? Was that socially correct? Did you kiss someone to make them feel less worthless- was it right? These thoughts swarmed his mind as he thought it over in a few split seconds. Yes, that's what it was, she simply felt sorry for him and wanted him to feel appreciated in such a strange way as the girl was, in all honesty, far too beautiful and caring for it to mean much more. The almost rejection of this flowed through his body and he was sure it was prominent on his face but for the slightest of seconds he did not care.

He'd never had a chance with Tessa, the delicate flower who packed a punch to let you know she was not just to be cherished but to be seen as an equal. An equal he would have been to her, everything he would have done just to have her choose him. That in itself was a ridiculous notion, after all Will had owned her heart ever since he first met her in that brothel. Swept away in a life of the brooding but secretly loving soul with a dark past- it was so like those novels she adored, how could he ever have competed against that? If he was honest, he'd never even thought of Sophie in such a way, though he'd never though of her as simply a maid either. It was really a one way companionship. Jem never really did anything for her in a manner of friendship but more he did things with a polite intention… hoping in some way she'd see it as more then such but she never let on that she did. And yet, whenever he needed a helping hand she was there, whenever he needed something done she was the first to offer assistance. He knew she'd stand and listen outside his door when he played the violin late at night but he never made any acknowledgement of it, instead he'd simply play until she left and never stop before that. Why he did this he wasn't quite sure before, though now it seemed so clear.

All those times in the darkest depths of the night where he'd needed his medication, where he'd been on the brink of it all… well there'd only been one person who really fixed him up. Sure, Will and Charlotte and even Henry- though Jessamine usually didn't care- had been there to help, none of them had been that constant shadow of hope. The one who'd stay up all day and night to tend to him, the one who'd listen to his angry rants and his fits and take everything he said with a smile and a comforting word no matter what horrors left his mouth.

All those times he'd just needed someone to speak to and she'd been there, she'd listened to him speaking about Tessa and his love for her so often- oh the fool he'd made of himself. If it was not to be a kiss of sympathy then had he hurt her? Had he upset her with these words of adoration for the brunette? Oh he hoped not, for it had not been a kiss of sympathy he'd do whatever he could to place his lips upon hers once more. If she wanted him… if it was a kiss of passion, what he'd do to kiss her again.

It all made so much sense all at once, so quickly all the pieces fitted together like a puzzle piece you'd been missing for years but found and slotted into its place and after so long the picture becomes clear. It did not however fall quick enough for him to notice Sophie's expression of pain as she pulled away from him and noticed his face of confusion. It was not quick enough to stop him grabbing her wrist as she grabbed at her skirts and ran towards the door. Only quick enough for him to snap back in time for him to hear her words.

"Oh Master Jem, I'm so sorry. I should never… I should have known such feelings I have would never be requited… please forgive me!" Jem tried to move to stop her, but before he could even utter a word she was gone through the door, the heavy wood thudding as it swung back from motion.

It took him a moment, but only one this time, before his feet were moving after to catch her up. He threw himself out the door and searched the corridor frantically to find her, knowing if she gained too far a lead that he'd never find her in the labyrinth namely the institute itself. He knew his health was not good, he knew it would probably damage him later but for some reason he could not find himself regretting his decision to sprint after the flash of skirts which turned the corner at the end off the hall. Jem knew he'd never regret chasing after her if only so that after he told her all the feelings he harboured for her he dropped it there and then. She had to know.

"Sophie! Stop, please wait!" She did not stop, did not even falter as he caught up briefly with her retreating figure only to see her disappear within seconds. He tried to get himself to move another step, but already he was breathless and tired. He knew he needed to find her, to tell her and he urged his legs to move with every ounce of his willpower, though it would never be enough against the illness taking hold of him. The addiction growing within him.

"Sophie, oh Sophie. This is… this is not right. I need… I needed to tell you. I will… will tell you at some point. You cannot… cannot avoid me… forever. I will… tell you how much… I love you…" Jem had to pause several times as he spoke to himself, his age old soliloquy repeating the same fate. She'd never know. Never know his love. For that's what it was and he'd realized it all to late, realized how easy it would be to love her because he already did as simply as that. A tear slipped down his pale face as he slumped down the wall, not caring for gentleman presence or posture as he allowed himself to cry over a mistake and a concept he should have realized long ago. Love is not what you desire, it's what you _need._ Love does not give you what you want, it gives you what you depend on, whether that suits you or not. His quite sobs echoed down the long corridors and yet not a soul moved.

That was until a face peered out from behind a door frame, a beautiful face with tear streaks across her cheeks. She took in the man's crouched position and the tears on her face and took it upon herself to crawl out from where she'd been concealed and crawl on her hand's and knees till she was sat right in front of him.

Jem didn't however notice Sophie kneeling before him until she took his hand in her own. His eyes raised to meet hers, sea foam mixed with mahogany wood. It wasn't even a conscious decision when his lips met hers, oh it was completely undignified and even more absurd to any one of any social standing, but at that moment neither could be bothered to care.

**I love Sophie and Jem, though I'm sorry if any of it was a little Ooc there. **

**Love you all! :D**


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